Push and pull of my practice

22/04/20

I need to start pulling my reflective journal together, but I’m still so immersed in the process of learning about myself as an artist it’s hard to start drawing conclusions about it all.

Reading Ninth Street Women is really inspiring me, there’s so much in there about what motivates these artists to do what they do. How they work and how they think about their work. It really challenges me to do the same. It also highlights the push and pull I experience with the art of needing to control my mark making on one hand and wanting to tap into that very unconscious immediate feeling of drawing on the other.

I read the extract below last night. I think the bit about self-doubt and the demands of life snuffing out the great art we may have in us is so true. Graham is actually talking about genius but I think it’s a relevant thought for all people with creative drive and talent.

And the idea of fear closing the inner chambers of the unconscious is something I can relate to. And perhaps what Picasso was talking about when he talked about drawing as if he were a child (or something along those lines!). No fear, no impediment. I can’t remember a time when I didn’t feel that fear and impediment. Maybe it’s normal and we all do. But I can also sense that if I could rid myself of the fear then the unconscious, naive, daring artist would have a chance to make an appearance and do something amazing. Or at least do something with the force of emotion that I’ve always contained. Force of emotion can be unexpected and exciting. But this abandonment of fear is something you have to work towards and can only be done with dedication, otherwise it’s just a load of crap.

And here I am having to write a critical evaluation, in lockdown. Certainly challenging times.